Some more jokes for your perusal
Apologises if you've heard
them before, don't think they're funny, or can't make sense of
them
Don't Shoot The Messenger
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The Pastors ass
The pastor entered his donkey
in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he
entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read:
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PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with
this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in
another race. The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP
SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so
he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it
to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the
following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for £10. The next day the paper
read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR £10
This was too much for the
bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains
where it could run wild The next day the headlines read:
NUN
ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE
The bishop was buried the next
day
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A middle aged man bought a brand new Ford Mondeo. He took off
down the road, pushed it up to 130 mph, and was enjoying the wind blowing
through his (thinning) hair. "This is great," he thought and
accelerated to an even higher speed.
But then he looked in his
rear-view mirror, and there was a Police Car behind him, blue lights flashing.
"I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he
floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 160 mph to escape being
stopped.
Then he thought, "What the hell am I doing? I'm
too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road,
and waited for the Police car to catch up with him.
The Policeman
pulled in behind the Mondeo and walked up on the driver's side. "Sir
my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me
a good reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before,
I'll let you go."
The man looked back at the Policeman
and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a Policeman, and I thought you
were bringing her back."
The Policeman said, "Have a
nice day."
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"Hello?"
"Hi honey. This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy. She's
upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief
pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle
Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the
room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
/>"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on
the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that
Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
/>"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later
the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it Daddy."
/>
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
/>"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and
ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the
dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my
God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out
of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the
back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that
you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool
and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
/>
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
/>Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? . . . Is this 486-5731?
